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Written by SoVAiN Williams — May 01, 2012



My mother is of the “get a relaxer” era. When I was young she put a wave nuevou in my hair because I had very big, very curly hair and she didn’t like to do it. All of my hair fell out (my Dad was SOO angry). Once it started growing back it seemed to be kinkier than it was before (probably traumatized haha) so I got a relaxer. It wasn’t until I was pregnant that I decided that I wasn’t going to get them anymore. So I have been navigating this “natural” journey by myself because my mom only knows relaxed hair. And luckily I don’t have any daughters because hair doing is NOT one of my strong points haha

May 01 2012 at 08:05 PM


Being that there were two of us (I’m a twin) and she was busy raising us and attending college while my dad also attended college, she didnt really have time to teach us how to do our hair.. She kept our hair in four braids with marble hair ties using olive oil lotion, and pink lotion products to keep it ‘conditioned’.. Pretty much what ever was on sale in the ethnic section. She assumed just like many still today that all ethnic proucts work for our hair. However, after breaking many brushes because of our hairs thickness, she decided to introduce us to a relaxer at the age of 14.. dun dun dun! As it still works well for my sister, my hair texture was (and still is) more coarse, dry, & began to weaken. So I personally reached a decision to go natural. Learning many different things on caring for African American hair, I decided to teach my mom being that she had my hair type. I taught her to read the labels on the backs of bottles and if half the ingredients she couldn’t pronounce, to put the bottle down. Also, I taught her the importance of a healthy diet, drinking water, & investing in a good multivitamin pill rather than the “miracle” pills. I have even caught her moisturizing and sealing with natural oils! We even have discussions on products before buying them (cheesy I know lol). Although she didn’t teach me how to do my hair, she taught me how to become the woman I am today and the trade off for that is me showing her what I have learned in order to care for our hair.

May 01 2012 at 08:05 PM


Oh & I have no children. Just a dog! lol Hopefully I’ll get a handle on my own hair before I am in charge of someone else’s LOL

May 01 2012 at 09:05 PM


I know African Americans love to say that they’re part “Indian” if they have a good texture of hair! But truthfully, my grandmother is actually part Indian and she has wonderful hair! The kind u can just wash, condition, and go! Unfortunately, neither me or my mother inherited this hair… So of course, my mother slapped a relaxer in my hair as soon as I started school! She kept it up over the years so my hair was full and healthy! But as I grew up… I decided to do all kinds of unhealthy things to my hair like bleach it, chop it all off, etc! I’ve been natural for a lil over a year now and I love it! My hair is growing out so full and healthy!!! I’ve learned to embrace my natural texture!!

May 02 2012 at 07:05 AM


My mother relaxed my hair at age 9 due to convience, my mother is also a beautician so she always made sure my hair was relaxed on time. She always told me to leave my hair alone and the less I comb and brush, the it will grow. She taught about getting treatments every month.

May 02 2012 at 09:05 AM


My mother’s hair texture was completely different from mine. I guess I took the roots of my father. My mother would put the biggest doo doo breads ever in my hair. I have a picture from my younger years where I have two thick braids and they look like hockey sticks.

May 02 2012 at 10:05 AM


I honestly don’t remember much about what my mother taught me about my haircare. I just know that she pressed it in the kitchen and got mad if I messed it up, lol. I had a lot of hair when I was little so she kept it neat and in ponytails. I finally asked her for a relaxer when I was 10 so that I could do it myself at sleepovers and pool parties. I think since she had such a short and easy hairdo she didn’t think much about how to actually take care of my hair. But now I’m older and have found my own way to natural healthy hair and I plan to always take care of my little girl’s hair. Even though she’s only 9 months I condition it, seal it with coconut oil, and refuse to put Pink Hair Lotion on it when my mother-in-law insists! lol. I will make sure she keeps her pretty curls healthy and in tact as long as she will let me.

May 04 2012 at 10:05 AM



Can I say high five for the ban on the Pink Hair Lotion! I love the posts ladies! Keep them coming!

May 04 2012 at 11:05 AM


She taught me to not use a lot of heat and to oil my scalp. She encouraged me to go natural, and she wouldn’t allow a relaxer until I was at least 12 yrs old. I don’t have a daughter yet =)

May 06 2012 at 12:05 AM

latoya :

My mom taught me to wash my hair weekly, roll it up with those pink rollers and to keep oil on it. I was not allowed to put heat to my hair daily, bad experience with that! My mom used to perm my hair, but during the summer months I didnt get perms, i went natural. Today, I take my daughter to the salon every 2 weeks. I teach her to wrap her hair every night, keep it oiled and NOT FLAT IRONING. If she needs it, I do it for her, but if she keeps it wrapped she does not require flat ironing before her next appointment..

May 07 2012 at 08:05 PM


Unfortunately my mother didn’t teach me very much about my hair. My fair is much more fine than hers is and as a child it would never stay put in the ribbons she loved to adorn my hair with! So the babysitter ended up trying to lay my hair down with Nivea lotion or even vaseline! In about 4th grade I got tired of looking a mess and took hair styling into my own hands. As a youngster I didn’t appreciate my curls and wanted to look like “everyone else”, so in 7th grade I BEGGED for a relaxer in 7th grade. In college, after experimenting with so many colors, my stylists suggested I transition from relaxer since I wasn’t getting them very often anyway. I became obsessed with learning to care for healthy, natural hair and began to try to convert all of my friends and my mother. Today, I am happy to say that none of my close friends or my mother are slave to the lye any longer! We learn and emulate so much from our mothers, but I have been thrilled to help change a lifestyle and teach my mother a lesson that her mother was never able to teach her. I will be having my first child ( a boy) this summer and I plan to continue this legacy because caring for healthy hair isn’t only limited to women!

May 09 2012 at 08:05 AM


I think the best lesson in hair care my mother gave me was to appreciate my hair in its natural state. Since I’ve been alive, my mother has had an afro. And although I eventually succumbed to the peer pressure of getting a relaxer at age 12 after being teased at school, I never got messages from home that my hair was unfortunate because it was kinky. Quite the contrary, my mother devoted every Sunday to me and my sister’s hair. She wasn’t the best stylist but she did her best. I also watched as she diligently braided her own kinky afro up every night so that she’d have a nice comb-out in the morning. She even made sure my sister and I had dolls with kinky short hair— they were meant to be boy dolls but we treated them like girls! I remember crying real tears when I got my first relaxer; I mourned the fact that my hair was permanently changed. The reaction was unexpected, given the fact that I had asked for the relaxer in the first place. In retrospect, there must have been a part of me that resented having to change my hair to be perceived as attractive. Ten years later I started growing out that relaxer (attempt one) partly because I had the beautiful example of my mother, pulling me back to my roots. It was because of my mother’s pride in her own hair that I was able to reject the notion that straight hair is better than kinky hair. I realized that to disparage my natural hair was to disparage my mother and her mother and all of those who came before me to bless me with their genes. Instead, I celebrate what they have passed on to me- this kinky crown that floats above my head, defying gravity.

May 10 2012 at 09:05 AM

Ojuolape Junaid:

My mother has always taught me to have pride no matter what and one of
the things she always told me to be proud is my hair. Even though I
didnt believe her as a child because I could only see one face of
beauty and not the thousands of other faces that make up the spectrum,
I see the mother was not lying. Unfortunately it took me a while to
realize this wonderful fact , and in a way I’m sort of happy that she
let me get a relaxer because I was able to see for myself how better
my natural hair was and how healthy it deserved to be. I guess she
just wanted me to see it for myself. She was there with a warm hug
when I crawled back to my natural roots. Now that I am natural , I am
so proud of the hair that god put on my head and I even go to my mom
for African oils and raw shea butter from home (Nigeria) , moisture is
the key! Lol. These days when I’m not feeling up to twist outs , Iill
have her plait my hair and I am so happy that we can be at this place
where we are both happy with our hair. I am natural and will never go
back and this is all thanks to my mother who taught me that while hair
may not define you, you can use it to show others your pride in your
past and culture. Thank you ,

May 13 2012 at 08:05 AM

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